And the Stages Begin...

I would apologize for not updating the ol' blog here, but it was a decision I made shortly after husband left. I decided that I wanted no part of writing and if I didn't feel like writing the entire year he is gone, then I wouldn't write...and I wouldn't feel guilty about it either.

Pretty much out of the blue this week, I began thinking about writing again. I had a few things to say and then decided once I'd logged on that I didn't really care enough to type it up and would log back off lol. And honestly, I don't have a damn thing to say tonight either, but figured I'd at least get a new entry added since it's been a month since I last updated this thing.

On to the latest happenings around here...

Husband has been gone a few days shy of a month now. One month down...eleven more to go. This time is harder in some ways and easier in others. The easier part is there aren't memorials going on every week this time. They aren't losing four soldiers on Tuesday, eleven on Friday, two more Saturday... Until you've lived through that - well, lets just say I'm truly enjoying the quiet, the fact that I'm not waking in the middle of the night in a jolt wondering what time it is and what I've missed on the news. I'm not really even watching the news this time. I may end up regretting that, but it's what is working for me at the moment.

The harder parts this time? My friends from last deployment have moved. I was talking to the lady who bagged my groceries at the commissary last week. Her husband just got back from Iraq and we were talking about how lonely it is those first weeks. She asked how long we've lived here and I told her we moved here in 2002. She said, "You've been here that long and you don't have any friends?" Umm, yeah I HAD friends. This is the military, lady...once the stop-loss was lifted after they got back from Iraq in 03-04, my friends MOVED. You know, that little thing called PCS lol? Some friends, their husbands retired. One still lives in the area, but her husband is now retired, working a full-time civilian job, she works full time and honestly, even though I've called her once since husband left...well, she just doesn't have time these days. I need to make some new friends, that's all. I was so lucky to make three really great friends right around the time husband deployed last time. I've just not made those connections this time around. Unfortunately, I'm finding old friends I was sure would be there, aren't. And that's ok. I've been aware for a while I need to distance myself from friendships that haven't been fulfilling friendships for a while and now is the perfect time to start severing those ties.

The deployment stages have begun and I seemed to have flown quickly through the tears stage and downshifted into the anger stage. Of course, anger is my defense mechanism, so stopping abruptly in this stage is no surprise. The past two weeks I've let the anger get the best of me. Stupid things set it off. For instance, we had a freeze warning last week, so I had to remove the hoses on the outside of the house. Why did that jerk my chain? Well, best I can come up with is because it was just another reminder that husband isn't here and he won't be here for a long, long time. I removed the hoses and it just shit all over my entire day. Make sense? Not really, but I've learned that reactions at the beginning of a deployment often don't - and that's ok. I didn't take my anger out of my babies, I just cussed the hoses out LMAO.

So there you have it. We're about a month into husband's deployment and the babies and I are getting settled into our new routine. They both are doing such a great job in school and I'm so very proud of them! All in all, we're doing really good, we just cannot wait to get this year behind us. Hopefully this will finally be husband's last deployment and he'll retire early in '08 as planned.

posted by Shannon at 11:11 PM   |    |  

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