Which One Are You?

Sidenote: This is an entry I wrote on September 10th. I never got around to finishing it and eventually forgot about it. I ran across it today and decided to put a few finishing touches on it and publish.

I've started to write about bullies and my experience with bullies several times and never could seem to get my thoughts expressed effectively. This evening, I came across this post, Which One Are You, over at When your only tool is a hammer.

I started writing a comment and it turned into such a book, I decided it would probably be better to write here and link to Hammer's blog instead of taking up so much room.

Run on over and read Which One Are You. Then, let us know...which one are you? As for me? Even as an adult, I have a short fuse when it comes to bullies. I've never been able to stand by and watch a bully pick on someone.

Anywho, here's my story...

I've always been small. One entire year, as Mother tells it, I didn't grow in height or weight at all. The doctor was worried I might end up being not just small, but a little person. I'm now 5'2" and heading into middle age, but growing up I was ALWAYS one of the smallest children.

Of course when my parents divorced when I was in 3rd grade and we moved to another state and I started a new school - I knew I'd be a target of bullies. I also knew that all I had to do was kick the crap out of a bully or two to put an end to that. The thing that the other children didn't know was what a HORRID home life I had once my parents divorced and my brother no longer had someone to rein in his abundant attitude. My brother was four years older than I and truly hated me with a passion. Mother worked full time, so after school, I was at the mercy of MY bully for several hours until Mother got home from work.

So, although I was often the smallest in my class, almost EVERY day I routinely fought - and I mean knock down, drag out fought a guy four years older than I. When it came to school and the class bully(ies), I was not the least bit scared...there was no ass kicking they could give me that would even remotely compare to what my brother could dole out heh heh.

Another convenient thing was the simple fact that although my brother routinely kicked the crap out of me, I learned how to fight better than any girl - and most guys. I had LOTS of practice unfortunately.

Growing up, Mother made it clear that if we started a fight at school, we'd be sorry when we got home. However, if we didn't defend ourselves, we'd be equally as sorry. As long as we were defending ourselves, she'd back us 100% at school. And true to her word, the several times I did get in trouble for cleaning someone's clock at school, Mother would be at the school and ask a few simple questions: Did Shannon start it? Did she hit first? No to both? Did you expect her to just stand there and let a bigger girl beat on her?

I was very unhappy at home and avoided being there as much as possible. In fifth grade, I met my best friend. She lived up the road from us, so I practically lived at her house on the weekends and during summer vacation. Her parents were (and still are) wonderful people and happily married. No one at her house was mad all the time, yelling, bitching or slamming doors. It was the family I wished I had - and the kind of family I wanted to have when I grew up. I'm so thankful to have been a part of their family for so many years. And now that I have my own family, I'm proud to say our family is a mirror of theirs and not the family I share blood with.

My friend and I were a year apart in age, but due to her birthday being in October, we were two years apart in school. We were pretty much complete opposites. She was shy. Me? Not so much ha! I was more of a tomboy and she was a girly girl. During the summer, I'd walk home alone at 9 at night in the dark. On the rare occasion she was at my house, I'd have to walk her home and then walk back home alone. She was a scaredy cat for sure and I wasn't. The two of us being opposites was probably why we were able to remain close until our high school years. By that time, I was working full time and going to school. She didn't have to work and had lots of time to do nothing or whatever she wanted. I'm not proud of it, but it irritated me at the time and I was a bit jealous. She'd talk of how bored she was and I wished I had time to sleep, much less be bored. Eventually we just drifted apart. We still email occasionally and I make it a point to stop by and see her when I'm in town...but it has been quite a long time since we've been really close friends.

At school, she was often a target of bullies. Our high school ran from grade 8th through 12th. When she came to high school, it just seemed the bullying escalated for her. Having been bullied by my older brother from the time I was eight, I had a certain hatred for anyone who bullied. I knew what a bully was...a bully was someone who was really a chicken shit. They had no morals, no empathy and certainly no backbone. A bully targets someone they are SURE they can intimidate. Since most bullies have used their intimidation factor to scare those smaller or mentally weaker than they are, they have rarely been in a real fight. They target those who will back down, so all they have to do is talk big and pick - maybe push the bullied if there are enough onlookers and play the part of big shot...but they certainly don't target someone who won't back down. They know someone who won't back down will mean they have to back up their big talk. Most bullies are all bark...if they target someone who takes no shit, then they'll get their ass handed to them and be outed as a weak assed big mouth. Lots of hot air and not much else.

My friend just couldn't grasp this all bark, no bite concept though. Bullies scared her to death and of course the bullies knew it. However, they also knew we were friends and my anger management problem was no secret in our small school. These two particular bullies decided they'd catch my friend in the bathroom one morning. I guess they figured they could push her around in there and none be the wiser. Someone heard what was going on though and came and got me out of homeroom. I headed over to the building where this was happening. I got to the door and could hear these two big shots, "Where's your bodyguard now? Huh? I think we should just stick your head in the toilet and see if shit floats..." and so forth. I pushed open the door and there's my friend backed into a corner with big crocodile tears running down her face with these two assholes blocking her exit. The look on their faces when they turned around and saw me was priceless. Here I am, this short girl who didn't weigh a buck o-five soaking wet, and these two big mean tough girls looked like they were about to shit their pants. I tossed a few threats their way and walked my friend on to her class. I figured that was the end of it.

Nah, these two buddies seemed to grow a pair whenever I wasn't around but a crowd of onlookers were. A few weeks later, they caught her at the movies. I was on my way to meet some friends and had stopped by to check up on her. I guess the two decided if they could shut me up, that'd solve their obstacle of being THE big shots. My anger problem was much bigger during the teen years than it had been in the pre-teen years. I did good at keeping it in check for the most part, but the minute someone put their hands on me aggressively, all bets were off. To this day, I cannot take someone putting their hands on me. 0 to pissed off beyond sanity in seconds for sure.

Long story short, bully two decided to hang up her bullying shoes when she saw bully one get the shit kicked out of her. Bully one had two broke fingers (still not sure exactly how that happened) and two lightly blackened eyes from her nose being broken. There's no doubt in this day and age, I would have been arrested. Back then, I guess when a bully got what was coming to them...

You notice the blonde kid with perfect teeth that looks like they stepped right off of a Honey Combs cereal box is pestering and tormenting the fat kid, or the girl with braces. The gang of followers and wanna be cereal box kids start to join in the name calling or just point and laugh.

Did you sit in silence? Were you the kid being tormented? Did you stand up and defend the target of the abuse? What was the teacher doing? Maybe you even joined in the hazing out of fear not being liked or popular.

Needless to say I NEVER bullied. I could never sit by and watch someone being bullied either. It just wasn't in me. I knew what I went through EVERY day at home, I was damn sure no one around me was going to have to go through that if I had anything to say about it. And, even now I can't sit back and watch a bully without saying something. While husband was deployed from 2003 to 2004, I met a nice lady. Her daughter went to the same school as our daughter and not only was she an Army wife, her husband was deployed too. After school, we'd often stand outside on nice days and talk while our children played for a few minutes. One day, an older girl had a bag she was swirling over the head of a smaller girl. I'm watching the younger girl plead for the older girl to give her bag back. I start walking over and the older girl tosses the bag up into this 8 foot tall bush and starts laughing. Before I could stop myself, I yell "Hey, YOU!" The two girls turn around and look. I tell the older girl to get the bag out of the bush and hand it back to her. NOW. My friend looked at me and said, "Wow. I didn't even see that." All I could muster was, "I hate a damn bully." Older girl got the bag down though and NICELY handed it to the younger girl.

I still cannot stand a bully...

posted by Shannon at 3:11 PM   |    |  

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