Making Changes

The first time husband deployed I was a new Mom. Daughter was seven months old when we said good-bye to her Daddy in a hangar at Fort Eustis (or Fort Useless as it was commonly referred to by those who worked there).

That first night alone, I just couldn't make myself go get in our bed. It was part emotional and part paranoia. The emotional part was getting in the bed by myself and not having him there to tell to quit snoring. The paranoid part was the fact I was alone with a new baby, I'd sold my gun before we'd moved to Virginia and I was 12 long hours from any family. So, I slept on the couch each night. That way, if someone tried to break in, I was more likely to hear them from there than I would from upstairs. There were two doors to the outside in our townhouse - one in the living room and one in the dining room at the back. The couch was pretty much right in the middle of the place. Figured I had a better chance sleeping lightly on the couch than going to bed and getting in that deep sleep.

And that set the standard for every separation thereafter. Each time husband left, I abandoned our bed and slept on the couch. Less for paranoia reasons and more for the simple fact, I missed him. Facing our bed alone was just too much drama for me. Husband and I have a habit of being tired as hell, going to bed and then getting into these long conversations which turn into one of us making the other laugh. We end up laughing so hard there are tears...and it's always been one of my favorite things about our relationship. So, instead of getting all worked up about him not being home, it's just always been easier to lay on the couch than face going up to our room and trying to go to sleep.

This time around, I have gone to bed some of the time. Especially on nights when I've not felt well or my stupid belly was hurting more than usual. These last few weeks, I've been on the couch though.

I got to thinking about our bedroom and the way we have it set up. I'm thinking of moving our bed to the opposite wall - having it come out of a corner. With an old house, they just weren't made with King and Queen size beds in mind of course. The windows keep the bed from going on all but one wall. We bought a Queen size bed since our King wouldn't fit in there without being up against a wall. The Queen barely fits. While the babies get baths tonight, I'm hoping to measure and see if the headboard will fit in the corner. If so, tomorrow I may try my hand at moving that monstrosity of a bed that we have. Not only will it make navigating our bedroom easier where we won't have to go all the way around the bed to get to the closet, it also might make it easier for me to actually go to bed.

Guess I won't know until I give it a try...

posted by Shannon at 1:32 PM   |    |  

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