Halloween...
Oh yeah, I'm looking forward to this. It's freezing here and the cold just makes my normal health issues even worse for some reason. Not to mention, little guy doesn't need to be out in this either, but I just don't have the heart to keep them home. It's so much easier when husband is home and he can walk them for miles and I can give out candy here at the house.
Just add it to my list of gripes of the day I guess lol. I need to write out bills and for some reason that whole deal jerks my chain. I HATE writing out bills and balancing out the checkbook. Well, I balanced the checkbook this afternoon, but writing out the bills I'm procrastinating on. Guess I'll do it tonight once we get back. You know, I could understand hating this twice a month ritual if we were struggling like we did when we first married. However, we're not rich, but we're not hurtin' and never even close to not meeting our obligations. I just hate doing it.
HATE doing it.
So, I'm in a bad mood. I'm about to go freeze my rear off for two hours, then come home and write bills out. Yeah...such fun.
I'll be taking a break for a week or so. I'll be back next week though. Hope everyone has a good week.
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What do I think?
White House, Kerry exchange accusations.
And at a hastily arranged news conference in Seattle, Kerry said: "I apologize to no one for my criticism of the president and of his broken policy."
Kerry said the comment in question was "a botched joke about the president and the president's people, not about the troops ... and they know that's what I was talking about."
Here's Kerry's statement just in case you missed it:
The war of words, tough even for this hard-fought campaign season, came after Kerry told a group of California students on Monday that those unable to navigate the country's education system "get stuck in Iraq."
What is my reaction?My husband and hundreds of thousands of other soldiers, marines, airmen and sailors joined because THEY WANTED TO SERVE THEIR COUNTRY. I know YOU, Mr. Kerry, joined so you could follow in JFK's footsteps and hopefully "win the White House" one day. However this is just the latest in a very long line of insults towards our military from you - you piece of shit.
So, Mr. Kerry...your statement was directed AT those very people preserving our freedom....not at the White House. And as such, I have two words for you. Fuck YOU.
There. I'm done.
Edited to Add: I apologize for the language but Kerry (and Fonda) make my blood boil...
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A Good Cry...
Guess we all need one once in a while. This was my morning I guess.
I was watching something on the military channel about Germany's special forces taking out some dirtbag terrorists in the late 70s before taking the babies to school. When I got back, I fixed my coffee, turned on the computer and sat down in front of the TV.
A show I usually avoid was now on the military channel. It's something about homecomings. Well, before I could turn it, I was already interested in the story. The first one was about an injured soldier going back to FT Hood to welcome his best friend home. A friend who also saved his life in Iraq. His leg was amputated but his friend saved him. These two guys seeing each other for the first time since he was injured...well,
Insert copious amounts of tears here.
The next story was about a NG soldier whose wife was deployed. What a great young man...he ran a daycare in his home and was like the Dad of the block for all the children with deployed parents. He was possibly being called up and she wasn't home yet. It all works out and she comes home...all three of their children burst into tears at the anticipation of seeing Mommy. Reminded me of daughter doing so good until we were waiting for husband...then she just lost it and sobbed. And I mean put her face in her hands and sobbed. I'd never seen her cry like that and haven't since. Assume I will next year when husband finally comes home...
More tears.
So, to change pace, I turned the channel to some murder case on A&E. I then run by Grouchy Old Cripple to read some good politickin'. Instead, he has this post
Poster Girl. If you've not seen this video of an Australian singer...it's worth it.
Even more tears.
DAMN. Enough already lol.
I know. I'll go do laundry. Surely I can't find anything to cry about folding a ton of clothes LMAO.
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Making Changes
The first time husband deployed I was a new Mom. Daughter was seven months old when we said good-bye to her Daddy in a hangar at Fort Eustis (or Fort Useless as it was commonly referred to by those who worked there).
That first night alone, I just couldn't make myself go get in our bed. It was part emotional and part paranoia. The emotional part was getting in the bed by myself and not having him there to tell to quit snoring. The paranoid part was the fact I was alone with a new baby, I'd sold my gun before we'd moved to Virginia and I was 12 long hours from any family. So, I slept on the couch each night. That way, if someone tried to break in, I was more likely to hear them from there than I would from upstairs. There were two doors to the outside in our townhouse - one in the living room and one in the dining room at the back. The couch was pretty much right in the middle of the place. Figured I had a better chance sleeping lightly on the couch than going to bed and getting in that deep sleep.
And that set the standard for every separation thereafter. Each time husband left, I abandoned our bed and slept on the couch. Less for paranoia reasons and more for the simple fact, I missed him. Facing our bed alone was just too much drama for me. Husband and I have a habit of being tired as hell, going to bed and then getting into these long conversations which turn into one of us making the other laugh. We end up laughing so hard there are tears...and it's always been one of my favorite things about our relationship. So, instead of getting all worked up about him not being home, it's just always been easier to lay on the couch than face going up to our room and trying to go to sleep.
This time around, I have gone to bed some of the time. Especially on nights when I've not felt well or my stupid belly was hurting more than usual. These last few weeks, I've been on the couch though.
I got to thinking about our bedroom and the way we have it set up. I'm thinking of moving our bed to the opposite wall - having it come out of a corner. With an old house, they just weren't made with King and Queen size beds in mind of course. The windows keep the bed from going on all but one wall. We bought a Queen size bed since our King wouldn't fit in there without being up against a wall. The Queen barely fits. While the babies get baths tonight, I'm hoping to measure and see if the headboard will fit in the corner. If so, tomorrow I may try my hand at moving that monstrosity of a bed that we have. Not only will it make navigating our bedroom easier where we won't have to go all the way around the bed to get to the closet, it also might make it easier for me to actually go to bed.
Guess I won't know until I give it a try...
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What a Morning...
Actually my Friday night never ended. It just went straight into Saturday with less than two hours of sleep.
Starting yesterday, little guy got his yearly barking cough. I had the doc prescribed cough medicine and runny nose medicine. Tried that - nada. Went to the store and bought Triaminic Night Time Cold and Cough. Tried that - nada. Vicks Vapor Rub - nada. Inhaler - nada. My poor baby coughed all NIGHT long. At 1 am, I gave him more Triaminic. At 2:30 I finally got on the couch. At 4, I hear this wheezing noise in between coughs. I jump up off the couch (well, the best my broke ass can jump anyway) and my poor baby is sitting in his Daddy's recliner - sick as a dog.
It's too soon for any more medicine. So, by 5 I'm in the shower and by 6 am, we're on the road to post so I can get him seen at the Urgent Care Clinic. The Doc said his X-ray was a bit cloudy, but he thinks it's a virus. They gave him a breathing treatment and he seemed so much better after that. They sent us home with another inhaler and instructions on when to be seen again if he's not better in a week.
It was almost 10 when we got back into town and stopped at BK to get them something for breakfast. We get through the drive through when little guy says he has to go tinkle NOW. I ask him if he can wait just four more minutes and he says yes. Well, the closer we get to home, the more he can't wait. I speed up and coming over the bridge I see a policeman. I hit my breaks, but I know it's too late. He saw me - and unfortunately, although I do love my car,
it just doesn't blend in.
As I start across the bridge, I see him turning around, so I slow down even more. I get over the hill on the bridge and another policeman is sitting at the foot of the bridge. Now, maybe it was just a coincidence, but in our small town - I've never seen anything like that before. Surely they didn't think I was going to run??!
I get across the bridge and down the road a bit. The policeman is behind me and now he hits his lights. I'm half a block from the left turn to my house, so I turn on my blinker to let him know I see him and I'll be turning left to pull over. Even though my house is on the other end of the block, I don't want to keep going and him think I'm not going to stop, so I go ahead and pull over. He's getting out of his car and I get out of mine and explain I have a little guy who is about to tinkle his pants and that's why I was in such a hurry. He asks if I live right there on the corner and I say, "Yes, sir." I'd just hoped he would follow me the half a block to our house so I could open the door and little guy could run in to the bathroom while I get my license, registration and insurance.
He asks if I know why he pulled me over and I say, "Yes, sir." I explained that we'd left for the ER at the Army base at 6 this morning and was just getting back home. That little guy didn't tell me he needed to go until we'd gotten through BK (Burger King) and although he said he could hold it, the closer we got the less he could hold it. He said to just go ahead and go get him in the house before he messed up my backseat.
The bad thing is, I'm SO tired and I was in such a hurry for little guy, I don't know if I said THANK YOU to him :(. I was truly in the wrong for speeding and he was too nice to let me off the hook like that. I really hope I said thank you.
Poor little guy, after the morning he had - and then having to hold it while Mommy got pulled over...how terrible. Once the policeman cut me loose, I got back in the car, got us in front of our house and got him out. Daughter just sat in the car lol. He had to go so bad, he had to run to the door holding everything in place :(. I got the door open and him inside, then went back out to get daughter, breakfast, medicine and son's dog stuffed animal he took with him.
Gosh what a morning.
I emailed husband and told him about our adventures this morning. I also told him if I didn't start keeping my foot out of this car, I'm going to have to get rid of it and go back to driving a Honda Civic with a 4 cylinder. Apparently I had more sense at 16 years old driving a muscle car with a 400 big block, 6.6 liter V8 than I have in my 30s driving a 300 horsepower, 4.6 liter V8. Go freaking FIGURE.
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Time Change
Whelp, it's that time of year again for many states. The lucky few who don't have to fall back don't have to worry about it. For the rest of us, tomorrow night we'll be moving our clocks back an hour.
I dread it getting dark so early....
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Which One Are You?
Sidenote: This is an entry I wrote on September 10th. I never got around to finishing it and eventually forgot about it. I ran across it today and decided to put a few finishing touches on it and publish.I've started to write about bullies and my experience with bullies several times and never could seem to get my thoughts expressed effectively. This evening, I came across this post,
Which One Are You, over at
When your only tool is a hammer.
I started writing a comment and it turned into such a book, I decided it would probably be better to write here and link to Hammer's blog instead of taking up so much room.
Run on over and read
Which One Are You. Then, let us know...which one
are you? As for me? Even as an adult, I have a short fuse when it comes to bullies. I've never been able to stand by and watch a bully pick on someone.
Anywho, here's my story...
I've always been small. One entire year, as Mother tells it, I didn't grow in height or weight
at all. The doctor was worried I might end up being not just small, but a little person. I'm now 5'2" and heading into middle age, but growing up I was ALWAYS one of the smallest children.
Of course when my parents divorced when I was in 3rd grade and we moved to another state and I started a new school - I knew I'd be a target of bullies. I also knew that all I had to do was kick the crap out of a bully or two to put an end to that. The thing that the other children didn't know was what a HORRID home life I had once my parents divorced and my brother no longer had someone to rein in his abundant attitude. My brother was four years older than I and truly hated me with a passion. Mother worked full time, so after school, I was at the mercy of MY bully for several hours until Mother got home from work.
So, although I was often the smallest in my class, almost EVERY day I routinely fought - and I mean knock down, drag out fought a guy four years older than I. When it came to school and the class bully(ies), I was not the least bit scared...there was no ass kicking they could give me that would even remotely compare to what my brother could dole out heh heh.
Another convenient thing was the simple fact that although my brother routinely kicked the crap out of me, I learned how to fight better than any girl - and most guys. I had LOTS of practice unfortunately.
Growing up, Mother made it clear that if we started a fight at school, we'd be sorry when we got home. However, if we didn't defend ourselves, we'd be equally as sorry. As long as we were defending ourselves, she'd back us 100% at school. And true to her word, the several times I did get in trouble for cleaning someone's clock at school, Mother would be at the school and ask a few simple questions: Did Shannon start it? Did she hit first? No to both? Did you expect her to just stand there and let a bigger girl beat on her?
I was very unhappy at home and avoided being there as much as possible. In fifth grade, I met my best friend. She lived up the road from us, so I practically lived at her house on the weekends and during summer vacation. Her parents were (and still are) wonderful people and happily married. No one at her house was mad all the time, yelling, bitching or slamming doors. It was the family I wished I had - and the kind of family I wanted to have when I grew up. I'm so thankful to have been a part of their family for so many years. And now that I have my own family, I'm proud to say our family is a mirror of theirs and not the family I share blood with.
My friend and I were a year apart in age, but due to her birthday being in October, we were two years apart in school. We were pretty much complete opposites. She was shy. Me? Not so much ha! I was more of a tomboy and she was a girly girl. During the summer, I'd walk home alone at 9 at night in the dark. On the rare occasion she was at my house, I'd have to walk her home and then walk back home alone. She was a scaredy cat for sure and I wasn't. The two of us being opposites was probably why we were able to remain close until our high school years. By that time, I was working full time and going to school. She didn't have to work and had lots of time to do nothing or whatever she wanted. I'm not proud of it, but it irritated me at the time and I was a bit jealous. She'd talk of how bored she was and I wished I had time to sleep, much less be bored. Eventually we just drifted apart. We still email occasionally and I make it a point to stop by and see her when I'm in town...but it has been quite a long time since we've been really close friends.
At school, she was often a target of bullies. Our high school ran from grade 8th through 12th. When she came to high school, it just seemed the bullying escalated for her. Having been bullied by my older brother from the time I was eight, I had a certain hatred for anyone who bullied. I knew what a bully was...a bully was someone who was really a chicken shit. They had no morals, no empathy and certainly no backbone. A bully targets someone they are SURE they can intimidate. Since most bullies have used their intimidation factor to scare those smaller or mentally weaker than they are, they have rarely been in a real fight. They target those who will back down, so all they have to do is talk big and pick - maybe push the bullied if there are enough onlookers and play the part of big shot...but they certainly don't target someone who won't back down. They know someone who won't back down will mean they have to back up their big talk. Most bullies are all bark...if they target someone who takes no shit, then they'll get their ass handed to them and be outed as a weak assed big mouth. Lots of hot air and not much else.
My friend just couldn't grasp this all bark, no bite concept though. Bullies scared her to death and of course the bullies knew it. However, they also knew we were friends and my anger management problem was no secret in our small school. These two particular bullies decided they'd catch my friend in the bathroom one morning. I guess they figured they could push her around in there and none be the wiser. Someone heard what was going on though and came and got me out of homeroom. I headed over to the building where this was happening. I got to the door and could hear these two big shots, "Where's your bodyguard now? Huh? I think we should just stick your head in the toilet and see if shit floats..." and so forth. I pushed open the door and there's my friend backed into a corner with big crocodile tears running down her face with these two assholes blocking her exit. The look on their faces when they turned around and saw me was priceless. Here I am, this short girl who didn't weigh a buck o-five soaking wet, and these two big mean tough girls looked like they were about to shit their pants. I tossed a few threats their way and walked my friend on to her class. I figured that was the end of it.
Nah, these two buddies seemed to grow a pair whenever I wasn't around but a crowd of onlookers were. A few weeks later, they caught her at the movies. I was on my way to meet some friends and had stopped by to check up on her. I guess the two decided if they could shut me up, that'd solve their obstacle of being THE big shots. My anger problem was much bigger during the teen years than it had been in the pre-teen years. I did good at keeping it in check for the most part, but the minute someone put their hands on me aggressively, all bets were off. To this day, I cannot take someone putting their hands on me. 0 to pissed off beyond sanity in seconds for sure.
Long story short, bully two decided to hang up her bullying shoes when she saw bully one get the shit kicked out of her. Bully one had two broke fingers (still not sure exactly how that happened) and two lightly blackened eyes from her nose being broken. There's no doubt in this day and age, I would have been arrested. Back then, I guess when a bully got what was coming to them...
You notice the blonde kid with perfect teeth that looks like they stepped right off of a Honey Combs cereal box is pestering and tormenting the fat kid, or the girl with braces. The gang of followers and wanna be cereal box kids start to join in the name calling or just point and laugh.
Did you sit in silence? Were you the kid being tormented? Did you stand up and defend the target of the abuse? What was the teacher doing? Maybe you even joined in the hazing out of fear not being liked or popular.
Needless to say I NEVER bullied. I could never sit by and watch someone being bullied either. It just wasn't in me. I knew what I went through EVERY day at home, I was damn sure no one around me was going to have to go through that if I had anything to say about it. And, even now I can't sit back and watch a bully without saying something. While husband was deployed from 2003 to 2004, I met a nice lady. Her daughter went to the same school as our daughter and not only was she an Army wife, her husband was deployed too. After school, we'd often stand outside on nice days and talk while our children played for a few minutes. One day, an older girl had a bag she was swirling over the head of a smaller girl. I'm watching the younger girl plead for the older girl to give her bag back. I start walking over and the older girl tosses the bag up into this 8 foot tall bush and starts laughing. Before I could stop myself, I yell "Hey, YOU!" The two girls turn around and look. I tell the older girl to get the bag out of the bush and hand it back to her. NOW. My friend looked at me and said, "Wow. I didn't even see that." All I could muster was, "I hate a damn bully." Older girl got the bag down though and NICELY handed it to the younger girl.
I still cannot stand a bully...
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Dumb Criminals and Refusing to be a Victim
I read this interesting article on
Of Arms and the Law this afternoon. Seems a mom and son burglary team picked the wrong house to burglarize. Gang member son is shot three times by the lady of the house with a .38 caliber handgun.
Momma, playing the role of getaway driver, is not familiar with the neighborhood apparently, so she's not sure where the hospital is located. With her shot son in the car, she flags down an officer - an officer who was responding to the victim's 911 call concerning the home invasion.
Another win for the good guys. Well, until the court system gives mom and son a slap on the wrist for their crimes.
What disgusted me was this comment in the Daily News article
Intruder shot by homeowner, Suspect's mom seeks help from deputy:
"To be honest it's fairly rare, but occasionally it does pay off to own a gun," sheriff's Lt. Tom Bryski said.
As mentioned in the comments on
Of Arms and the Law, apparently sheriff's LT Tom Bryski has never read
Civilian Gun Self-Defense Blog. He'd definitely see that being a gun owner pays off every day in this county in a big way: by keeping law abiding citizens ALIVE and SAVING INNOCENT LIVES.
I make no apologies for being a gun owner. I've been around guns my entire life. In the south, it's very common for children to be taught gun safety starting at a very young age. Our parents take us out shooting and the majority of us are well-versed in the use of firearms and firearms safety by the time we're 10 or 11 years old. It is pounded into our brains that you NEVER point your weapon at anything you do not intend to kill. When we turn 21, one of the first things we do is get our concealed weapons permit. To many, that is the big milestone at 21 - not being able to go to a bar or buy a six pack of beer.
The other day, LawDog wrote a very interesting piece. In
Meditations on Deadly Force, LawDog points out the importance of taking the time to figure out how you really feel about deadly force and whether or not you truly could take the life of another - and under what circumstances you would do so.
Today, I want to ask if you -- as an adult -- have sat down and truly pondered Deadly Force? Have you, as an adult, made the conscious choice to decide when, where, and under what circumstances you will use Deadly Force, and when you will not?
And more importantly, as an adult, have you drawn a firm, bright line between I will and I will not?
I ask this because there are people -- purportedly adults -- who have stated to me that they do not know under what circumstances they would attempt to take the life of another, and that they don't wish to think about such things until the moment that it becomes necessary.
This is complete, total, and utter bushwa.
Make your decision now. If the time comes, trust me, a violent face-to-face social negotiation with a critter is neither the time, nor the place for an inner debate vis a vis morality and philosophy.
Go read the entire thing. It's something women, but especially military spouses, really need to consider because so often, we are living alone with our small children.
I've known my line in the sand for most of my life. Well, since I was old enough to shoot a gun. Our family always said, a criminal may bust down a door and walk in, but they'll be carried out toes up. If it's me (or worse, my family) or the criminal, I'm going to try my damn-dest to make sure it's them.
I refuse to be a victim. And, if God forbid, somehow, I end up becoming victim, I refuse to die without one hell of a fight. When the police find my body, I want them to be able to say, "Damn that woman put up one hell of a fight. She certainly wasn't going down quietly."
This is a subject I take very seriously. It seems that the world just gets more dangerous each generation. When it comes to my home, this is MY safe haven. A criminal might get in, but once they do, they are at the mercy of my two big dogs and several of my favorite handguns. I will shoot first and ask questions later.
Husband is well aware of my stance. He knows I will not being going and hiding with my children while dialing 911, hoping the bad guys won't find us. I will, of course, dial 911, but I'll be taking care of business first and ensuring my children and I are safe. When husband has gotten out of the field early, buddies will say they are going to go home and surprise their wives. Often, it'll be late in the evening and already dark out. They'll ask husband if he's going to surprise his wife. He laughs and says, "Hell no. I come into our house in the middle of the night, my wife will shoot first and ask questions later. I call her and let her know I'm on my way home."
I take no chances. I do NOT want some scum of the earth invading the safety of OUR home and my children watching their mother being a victim and possibly murdered - and then the scum killing my children to make sure there are no witnesses left.
Oh hell no. My line in the sand is drawn. I never want to have to take someone's life, but there is no doubt in my mind that I would in a split second if needed.
Is this something you've thought about? Do you have a line in the sand?
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House Cleaning Time...
Tomorrow, our little guy turns six. It's hard to believe that six years have gone by...gosh they grow up so fast.
So, my best friend is making the five hour trip and coming to visit us for little guy's birthday. Her two little ones are out of school this Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. They should get here tomorrow afternoon sometime and will stay until Saturday. She's working now, so she wants to get home in time to be able to relax some before going back to work on Monday.
Of course, my house is a mess. So, I'll be doing some major cleaning tonight and tomorrow morning to get ready for their visit. Nothing like waiting until the last minute....
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And the Stages Begin...
I would apologize for not updating the ol' blog here, but it was a decision I made shortly after husband left. I decided that I wanted no part of writing and if I didn't feel like writing the entire year he is gone, then I wouldn't write...and I wouldn't feel guilty about it either.
Pretty much out of the blue this week, I began thinking about writing again. I had a few things to say and then decided once I'd logged on that I didn't really care enough to type it up and would log back off lol. And honestly, I don't have a damn thing to say tonight either, but figured I'd at least get a new entry added since it's been a month since I last updated this thing.
On to the latest happenings around here...Husband has been gone a few days shy of a month now. One month down...eleven more to go. This time is harder in some ways and easier in others. The easier part is there aren't memorials going on every week this time. They aren't losing four soldiers on Tuesday, eleven on Friday, two more Saturday... Until you've lived through that - well, lets just say I'm truly enjoying the quiet, the fact that I'm not waking in the middle of the night in a jolt wondering what time it is and what I've missed on the news. I'm not really even watching the news this time. I may end up regretting that, but it's what is working for me at the moment.
The harder parts this time? My friends from last deployment have moved. I was talking to the lady who bagged my groceries at the commissary last week. Her husband just got back from Iraq and we were talking about how lonely it is those first weeks. She asked how long we've lived here and I told her we moved here in 2002. She said, "You've been here that long and you don't have any friends?" Umm, yeah I HAD friends. This is the military, lady...once the stop-loss was lifted after they got back from Iraq in 03-04, my friends MOVED. You know, that little thing called PCS lol? Some friends, their husbands retired. One still lives in the area, but her husband is now retired, working a full-time civilian job, she works full time and honestly, even though I've called her once since husband left...well, she just doesn't have time these days. I need to make some new friends, that's all. I was so lucky to make three really great friends right around the time husband deployed last time. I've just not made those connections this time around. Unfortunately, I'm finding old friends I was sure would be there, aren't. And that's ok. I've been aware for a while I need to distance myself from friendships that haven't been fulfilling friendships for a while and now is the perfect time to start severing those ties.
The deployment stages have begun and I seemed to have flown quickly through the tears stage and downshifted into the anger stage. Of course, anger is my defense mechanism, so stopping abruptly in this stage is no surprise. The past two weeks I've let the anger get the best of me. Stupid things set it off. For instance, we had a freeze warning last week, so I had to remove the hoses on the outside of the house. Why did that jerk my chain? Well, best I can come up with is because it was just another reminder that husband isn't here and he won't be here for a long, long time. I removed the hoses and it just shit all over my entire day. Make sense? Not really, but I've learned that reactions at the beginning of a deployment often don't - and that's ok. I didn't take my anger out of my babies, I just cussed the hoses out LMAO.
So there you have it. We're about a month into husband's deployment and the babies and I are getting settled into our new routine. They both are doing such a great job in school and I'm so very proud of them! All in all, we're doing really good, we just cannot wait to get this year behind us. Hopefully this will finally be husband's last deployment and he'll retire early in '08 as planned.
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